Method to My Mischief
by Metool Bard
Summary: When Luan discovers that Lana plans to go out for Mischief Night, she sits her down and tells her why that's not a good idea.


"Okay, how about this one? Why did the vampire get arrested? Because he tried to rob a blood bank!"

"Actually, in Bloodsucker: The Charade, there is an option for your character to work at a blood bank so that they don't have to…"

The rest of Lucy's explanation of her tabletop game of choice was drowned out by Luna practicing her trumpet on the other side of the room. Luan let out a weary sigh. While she appreciated Lucy's help for putting together an act for Haiku's upcoming birthday party, it was clear that she needed more than Halloween-themed puns. Especially since Lucy kept derailing her jokes with lengthy explanations of supernatural lore.

"Okay, I don't think this is working," said Luan, stroking her chin in thought. "Maybe I need a different approach. Haiku wouldn't happen to like mimes, would she?"

Lucy shrugged. "I never thought to ask."

Luan began pacing back and forth. "Well, that's one option. She also likes poetry, right? How about if I crack a few limericks? There once was a girl named Haiku/Who… um…"

"That's her least favorite form of poetry. I wouldn't recommend it."

"Dang it. Alright, what else? What else, what else, what else…?"

"C'mon, Mom! I really need this stuff for tonight!"

Luan's musings were interrupted by a loud whine from down the hall. Curious, she, Luna, and Lucy poked their heads out of the bedroom. They saw Lana and Rita having an argument.

"Lana, I know we're a big family, but even we don't need this many eggs and rolls of toilet paper," said Rita, showing Lana her shopping list.

"But Mom~! I promised my friends that I'd have this stuff by tonight!" Lana pleaded. "I'll even pay for it out of my own allowance!"

"Sweetie, your allowance isn't going to cover this kind of expense," said Rita sternly. "Also, you haven't bothered to explain why you need all this stuff. And what's so special about tonight?"

Lana swallowed, her eyes shifting around the room. "I, um… That's personal."

Rita deadpanned. "Not if you want me to buy all this for you."

As the debate continued, a concerned frown formed on Luan's face. After a while, she turned to Luna.

"Hey, Luna? What's today's date?" she asked.

Luna looked at the calendar on the wall. "Um, October 30th."

Luan scowled. "As I suspected. Mischief Night."

"Mischief Night?" Luna parroted.

"The night before Halloween," Luan explained. "It's when all of the jerks in town decide to vandalize other people's houses just for kicks. Eggs and TP are their typical tools of the trade."

"I thought Lana's request sounded familiar," Lucy mused. "But you don't think she's actually planning to go out for Mischief Night, do you?"

"It sure sounds like it to me," Luan said darkly. "Lucy, we'll pick this up later. In the meantime, would you and Luna mind leaving? I've got something important to do."

"Y-yeah. Sure thing, brah," said Luna. "C'mon, Luce."

Luna took Lucy by the hand and led her downstairs. Once they were gone, Luan marched up to Rita and Lana and cleared her throat.

"Hey, Luan. Kinda in the middle of something here," said Lana brusquely.

"Not anymore," said Luan. "Lana, step into my office."

"Hold on, Luan," said Rita, showing Luan her shopping list. "I still need to get to the bottom of this."

"Don't bother. Lana's not gonna need that stuff," said Luan, giving Lana a look. "In fact, she's gonna stay in tonight."

"What?! No I'm not!" Lana protested. "I'm going… uh…"

She trailed off and began fidgeting nervously, her eyes shifting between Luan and Rita.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Rita asked, raising an eyebrow.

"F-fine! Everything's fine!" Lana blurted out hastily. "I-I just need that stuff for… stuff and… stuff."

Luan sighed and shook her head. "Okay, this is just getting pathetic. I'll take care of this, Mom."

Before Lana could protest, Luan grabbed her by the ear and dragged her to her room. Rita watched the scene with a blank, befuddled stare.

"Huh. I wonder what that was all about?" she mused. She then shrugged. "I think I'm just gonna ask Luan later. This shopping isn't gonna do itself."

* * *

Once in her room, Luan released Lana and closed the door. Lana grumbled and moaned as she recovered from the unpleasant experience. She then gave Luan a glare.

"What's the big idea, huh?!" she barked. "This is none of your business!"

"Au contraire, my dear Lana. Pranks _are_ my business," Luan said firmly, folding her arms. "Now, are you gonna be straight with me, or am I gonna have to tickle the truth out of you?"

For a moment, Lana had to wonder how Luan could say something so silly with such a stern look on her face. She quickly banished the thought from her mind and pouted.

"I've got nothing to say to you," she said.

Luan rolled her eyes. "I don't need Lisa's lie detecting glasses to see through _that_ horse hockey. C'mon, Lana. Fess up. You're planning to go out for Mischief Night, aren't you?"

Lana gave Luan a sideways glance. "And what if I am? You want in or something? Or are you just mad that I'm muscling in on your turf?"

Luan let out an angry snort. "This isn't about me, Lana. This is about you making a horrible mistake."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I don't want you going out on Mischief Night."

Lana huffed. "So what? You're not my mom."

"No, but I might just tell her what you plan on…"

"Don't~!" Lana blurted out. "Please don't! If she knows, she'll ground me for life!"

"Then maybe it's best for all of us if you just stayed home," Luan said sternly.

Lana eyed Luan warily. "Why do _you_ care so much, anyway?"

Luan sighed and sat down next to Lana on the beanbag chair. "Look, Lans. I get it. When I was your age, I loved Mischief Night. Every year the night before Halloween, I'd go out with my wagon full of eggs and TP and just go to town on every house on the block. And when people complained, I always shrugged it off and said they couldn't handle a _yolk_."

Luan laughed at her own pun while Lana groaned and rolled her eyes.

"But seriously, when I got older, I realized just how rotten those yolks were," Luan continued. "Mischief Night is nothing but a poor man's April Fool's Day which revolves around a very childish understanding of comedy. It's also a lot more dangerous. Heck, I'm lucky I was never arrested."

Lana scoffed. "That's just gonna make it more fun. Besides, you're not exactly one to talk, Little Miss Clown Princess of Pranks."

Luan glowered at Lana. "I told you, this isn't about m—"

"You say Mischief Night is bad? Well, what about everything _you've_ done?" Lana griped, cutting across Luan. "You let rabid animals loose in our house; you pelted us with dirty diapers…"

"First of all, those animals weren't rab—"

"…you turned the entire house upside-down; I don't even know _how_ you did that…"

"Well, that's—"

"…you tortured us with that booby-trapped motel, which included a rhubarb pie trap just for me…"

"Will you just—?"

"…you had our stunt doubles humiliate us in front of everyone…"

"I'm trying to—"

"I'm just saying if you think all of _that_ is okay, then why can't I go out on—?"

"LANA LOUD, LISTEN TO ME!"

Lana fell out of the beanbag chair, completely caught off-guard by Luan's outburst. She stared at her older sister in complete shock. She could picture that harsh tone coming from her mother or Lori, but hearing Luan scold her so severely just felt bizarre. Luan clasped her hands together and took in a deep breath to calm herself down.

"Okay. I think you need to learn a little something about comedy," she said with a sigh. "Now, this mainly applies to slapstick, but trust me, it's relevant here. One principle of slapstick is that big laughs come from big pain. It's not as funny if it doesn't look like it hurts. But at the same time, that pain is fleeting. Do you know what that means?"

Lana pursed her lips and stroked her chin for a moment. "Uh, that means it doesn't last forever, right?"

"Bingo," said Luan with a nod. "Picture it like this. Say a cartoon character falls off a cliff. If he just went splat at the bottom of the canyon and didn't come back up again, do you think that would be funny?"

Lana ran through the scenario in her head a few times. "Uh… I guess not. But what does that have to do with your pranks?"

"I'm getting to that," said Luan. She went over to Lana and knelt down beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "See, you're right. I _do_ push the envelope a lot when it comes to my pranks. But do you know _why_ I feel like I can do that?"

Lana blinked. "'Cause you think it's funny?"

Luan sighed. "Well, that's a given. But the thing is I feel like I can push that envelope because you guys can take it. No matter what I do to you, I'm fully confident that you'll all bounce back." She then smirked. "And if I'm being honest, you guys can dish it out just as much as you can take it. I'm not gonna forget those revenge pranks anytime soon, believe me."

Her smirk quickly faded back into a concerned frown. "And most importantly, I'm not trying to hurt you guys with my pranks. It's all in good fun, and again, I know you all can take it. But the same can't be said for your Mischief Night shenanigans."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't know your victims on Mischief Night. You don't know whether or not they'll bounce back from the mess you make. And some kids don't even care. They just wanna go out of their way to make other people miserable for basically no reason."

"And you… _don't_ do that, right?"

Luan smiled. "Now you're getting it. My pranks are works of art, painstakingly crafted to show you guys how much I care in my own silly way. Mischief Night, meanwhile, is just the same joke repeated over and over again. And once you start hearing a joke more than once, it starts to become stale."

Luan placed both hands on Lana's shoulders and looked her in the eye. "I think you're better than that, Lana. I think everyone in this family is better than that, myself included. So please. Just stay home with us tonight. Okay?"

Lana looked down at the ground, her brow furrowed. Finally, she looked back up at Luan.

"So, let me get this straight. All of those crazy pranks you put us through every year is done out of love?" she asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. I know, it's weird, but what can I say? I'm a weird gal."

"Huh," said Lana. "I always thought something about April 1st just made you go completely bonkers."

Luan laughed. "I get that a lot. But, it's a bit more complicated than that."

"I'll say," said Lana. She then nodded. "Okay. I'll stay home tonight. But what am I gonna tell my friends? They're counting on me to get the stuff for Mischief Night. They're gonna get really mad at me if I let them down like this."

Luan stroked her chin and thought for a moment. Slowly, a large grin formed on her face. "I think I might have an idea…"

* * *

Later that night, a posse of six-year-olds strolled up to the Loud House, dragging an empty wagon with them.

"You think she's got the goods?" one of them asked.

"Why wouldn't she? She's all about making a mess," said another. "There's no way she's missing out on _this_."

"Hey, guys."

Lana appeared out on the front drive, holding a walkie talkie behind her back. Her friends approached her.

"So, you got the stuff?" one boy asked.

"Sure do. But, uh… I don't think you want it."

The posse looked at each other, mumbling in confusion.

"Uh, whaddya mean we don't want it?" said the boy.

"I mean I don't think you want it," Lana repeated cheekily.

"Lana, is this some kind of joke?"

"You could say that. I still don't think you want it, though."

The boy started losing his patience. "Okay, Lana. Very cute. But we need to get this show on the road, so please just give us the goods."

"You sure you want me to do that?"

"Sure I'm sure."

"Are you _absolutely_ sure you want it?"

"Lana, I am absolutely, positively sure that I want it! So give it already!"

Lana smiled and shrugged, tapping the button on her walkie talkie. "Well, alright. But remember, _you asked for it_."

As soon as those words left Lana's lips, there was a loud boom from the backyard. The moon was soon obscured by a cloud of mud flying through the sky. Before any of Lana's friends could react, the entire posse was buried in the avalanche. One of the boys poked his head out of the mud pile and scowled at Lana.

"What was that for?!" he demanded.

"You could say we had a change of plans," said Lana. She then chuckled. "I got you guys good, didn't I?"

The posse looked at each other and shrugged.

"It's certainly not something _I'd_ expect on Mischief Night," said one of the girls.

"Heh, yeah," said another boy. He then sneered and packed up a ball of mud. "But don't think you're off the hook, Lana Loud! We're gonna get you back!"

Lana sneered and puffed up her chest. "Bring it on!"

And with that, the kids had themselves a large mud fight in the front yard, laughing and giggling all the while. Over in the backyard, Luan popped her head out of Lisa's old snow tank, listening to their glee with a large smile on her face. Lisa appeared beside her, giving Luan an incredulous look.

"You do realize we need the front yard to be clean for the trick-or-treaters tomorrow, correct?" she asked. "I hope you have a good explanation for our parental units."

"Don't worry, Lis'. I'll take care of all the Halloween decoration by myself if I have to," said Luan. "Lana might like getting dirty, but _someone's_ gotta keep her proverbial nose clean. And as long as I've been able to accomplish that, I have no regrets."

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "You certainly are an odd one, Luan Loud."

Luan smirked and shrugged. "Wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
